When We Play It Dumb
by ice spy with no eyes
Summary: First person POV reader-insert. What do you get when you ask Arthur to answer your homework?


**Something I made while I was waiting for the laundry to finish last week.**

**-Ice**

* * *

Its Friday today. I'm not supposed to come at Arthur's house...

But here I am, walking myself to that eyebrows monster's house! You see, I'm fine with the "going to his house when I'm not supposed to" but to think that I'm hoping that he'll be there? I can't even believe myself!

*Ding! Dong!* I rang the doorbell, once and waited for a response, Arthur told (more like scolded) me that I should wait for a while before I ring the next doorbell. Manners, manners.

"Why are you here?" Arthur showed up but did not open the gate. He just stood at the doorway, leaning, posing like some kind of an idol in a photoshoot.

"That's not really something nice to say to a visitor," I rolled my eyes at him, one bullet shot.

"How many times do I have to tell you not to roll your eyes like that?!" He opened the gate and let me in.

"Is Al and Mattie around?"

"Alfred is at work, Matthew is at Francis' house."

"Peter?"

"He's still at school."

"So you're alone?"

"What do you think?"

"Who knows? You might be throwing a big costume party for fairies and trolls inside for all I know." Second bullet shot.

"What do you need?" Arthur asked me as he continued to walk big steps to the kitchen while I'm trying to catch up.

"OMIGOSH, ARTHUR!"

Its like hell broke lose inside his kitchen. I can't tell whether he's cooking something or he's in the middle of a demon summoning ritual. That's if his cooking is not the demon summoning ritual itself. Black smoke filled the kitchen and on the floor were unrecognizable mixtures or unidentified, horrific colors.

"Wait a second," Arthur said as he went into the thick smoke.

"No! Arthur! Don't go in there! Don't die! Don't die when I'm around! I'll become a suspect!"

"Thanks for the concern, bloody wanker." He retorted, emerging from the smoke with a tray in his hands.

"What the fuck is that?" -me

"What the fuck do you think?" -him

"Uh... Shit?" I tried to guess. I swear, they really look like burnt shit.

"Scones! Goddamit, these are bloody scones!"

"But! But! They look dirty!" I'm serious, they really look dirty.

"Excuse you?!"

We are so not going anywhere with this.

"Anyway, speaking of dirty-"

"Hey!"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry about that. I came here because of something like that!"

"What is it?" Arthur set his tray beside another pile of burnt scones.

On that day... a lot of scone ingredients were wasted.

Dearest Mattie, Peter, and Al, those guys have not a single idea how lucky they are for not being here right now.

"There is this assignment..." I started fidgeting, its really against my pride to ask him for help on this. But I've got no choice!

Daaaaamn, my situation makes me appear like a tsundere."

"Peter makes his own homework and I've stopped doing Alfred's homework three years ago-"

"Alfred is like, nineteen! He's too old to have you do his homework!"

"And so are you. You are not making me do that assignment."

"Like, duh. D'you think this is easy for me? Asking you for help? I'd rather flunk the subject if I could!"

"Then flunk it."

"No. Freaking. Way. Eyebrows. Come on! Its just one item out of the five. Its a phrase that I've been encountering since first grade but I have yet to understand! I've done the rest, just help me with this one!" This jerk is seriously making me beg for it huh?

"No." Arthur replied. Gentleman you say you are huh? Fuck.

"Oh... Okay. Its just that, I thought you are smart, that's why I came here even though I'm only supposed to come her on Saturdays. Sorry." I said, in a low, pathetic tone. I turned my back on him, "I guess I was wrong."

3... 2... 1...

"Fine! Show me that!" Hah! It weeerked! He fell for it!

Without further ado, I rummaged my backpack in search for my notebook.

"We'll do it in the living room, not here." Arthur took his apron off and headed to the living room. I dashed just behind him when I realized that he just left me behind, in the site of his demon summoning ritual.

"Aren't you old enough to have me help you?" - Arthur

We are sitting on the living room, on separate couches.

"Uh... yes, but I guess there's no other way around the bush."

"You can surf for it in the web. I'll let you use my computer."

"Wiki's not reliable!"

"Wiki is not the only site online!"

Why won't he just help me?!

"You are smarter than Wiki!" Heh. I got this.

"G-give that notebook to me!" Arthur said as he snatched away my notebook.

See? I told you I got this.

"That wasn't gentlemanly!"

"Who cares?!"

"I care! I mean, I don't care for real, but you are my supposed teacher in social graces and yet you don't behave the way you should. That's hypocrisy. You are not practicing what you preach," I know that I should have not said that since he's helping me with my homework but its too late to take them back now.

Arthur din't respond. He just cleared his throat and scanned my notebook.

"Your handwriting isn't as bad as I expected it would be." -Arthur

"What the fuck?!"

"Which one here?

"The one with no answer yet."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder-"

"Not that one! I've already gave that a meaning!"

"I know! I'll just check if you interpreted everything correctly! What are you getting all defensive for?"

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No. Which makes me wonder even more why are you getting all defensive."

"You are smart and I'm not. I'm embarrassed to show you my criticism-susceptible answers." When in fact, I'm not. My answers are all brief yet concise. I have confidence in them. I just want him to work on the item with no answer so that I can leave now.

He scoffed to muffle a laughter. What the fuck, this fake gentleman!

"You answered here, 'everyone has their own idea of what's beautiful."

"So what? It's true, right? I find your eyebrows ugly but you find them to be the most beautiful thing in the world. Therefore, beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

He gave me that menacing look. It wasn't really that menacing but his eyebrows made it happen.

"Hope for the best, prepare for the worst," he read silently my interpretation that goes: bad things might happen so be prepared.

"Really? Is that it?" he asked, obviously discontented of my answer.

"Yeah, that's all there is to it. Just get to the unanswered part already!"

And yet, he continued reading.

"Don't put all your eggs in one basket." he looked at me before he added, " you interpreted here, have a contingency plan." and he stared at me.

"What?! It makes sense! Right?"

"Yeah, it does."

For once, we agreed on something!

"There's no such thing as free lunch," he read aloud but he silently read my interpretation.

I was waiting for his comment when he suddenly burst to a laughing mess. His face reddened, his breathing became labored and he started panting after laughing so hard, even his green eyes seemed like he just shed tears of joy.

For the queen's sake! Ugh!

"Hey! That was seriously offensive!" Though I don't know why exactly he laughed, I have a feeling that its got something to do with my answer.

Oh dear queen, if only it's not a crime to kill, I would gladly abuse this bloody Brit's body!

It took a few moments before Arthur's laughing fit died down. All the while I was giving him a poker face, trying to hide my urge to kill him or at least wax off his eyebrows.

"Okay... now...-"

"Get yourself together, you faker of a gentleman!" I'm seriously pissed off now. He actually turned tables on me just like that.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Don't be so mad about it."

"Answer it now so I can leave!"

He cleared his throat again, finally regaining his composure.

"Before anything else, would you at least, provide longer answers? Your answers are too short, even Peter could memorize them after three repeats."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll work on that later." I shooed him off, that smart ass fake gent.

He read the last phrase on the notebook.

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness."

"Yeah, that one. How do you interpret that?"

He looked at me with laughing eyes. I could die of embarrassment but I can't die if Arthur caused it. My death will be in vain.

He paused, held his chin as if he's thinking, and a long "hmmmmm" can be heard.

"Be clean, God likes that."

I'm betting this Brit wants another Revolutionary War.

...

"WHAT THE FUCK ARTHUR, THAT ANSWER IS A CALIBER LOWER THAN THOSE OF MINE!"

"EXCUSE ME?! ITS BRIEF AND CONCISE AND EVERY WORD IS MEANINGFUL!"

"HOW SO?!"

Why are we even shouting at each other?

"Why are you shouting at each other? You sound like husband and wife." Alfred suddenly appeared. He's probably back from work.

"Al!" I called to him, both as a greeting and a can-you-help-me-with-my-assignment call.

"Nope."

"AAAAL!"

And then Alfred disappeared to his room.

Arthur sighed, "seriously, you are asking him to do your assignment?"

"Well yeah? He's not the type to laugh at me."

"He won't because he's not also the type to make his own homework."

"But, Arthur, are you even serious, be clean, God likes that?"

"Do you think God will like it if you're all dirty and mucky and unladylike like you are right now when you're not supposed to?"

"Beats me." I rolled my eyes. He's talking to me like I'm some kind of a kid. Maybe, after all, he's got a point, I came all the way here for his answer, I'll just trust him.

"You are rolling your eyes again!"

"Oh? You mean this?" I rolled my eyes again.

Arthur sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "You haven't learned a thing from me, have you?" he asked, frustration evident in his voice.

"Actually, I have every word of yours in mind."

"Then why are you not behaving like how I tell you?"

"It's because if I'd do, I... we... might not be able to se- wait, hey!" I was caught off guard there!

"Because if you'd do, we might not be able to what?"

"Nothing! I'm leaving! Thanks for the help!" I said as I stomped towards him and snatched away my notebook from his hands.

"Wait." I paused on my tracks when a warm hand grabbed my wrist.

All the sudden I felt my face would burst from the heat accumulating on my cheeks. I turned around to see him still sitting on the sofa, hi hand reaching out, connected to my wrist. His eyes looking at me with an unfamiliar look, not the usual one he gives me when we bicker.

"What?" was all that I can muster. No, it was all I allowed myself to say.

"A-at least have some snacks..." he stuttered, looking away.

I smiled, we sure both are playing dumb.

"If God will not like it when I'm all dirty and mucky and unladylike, what more if I eat dirty stuff?"

He looked back at me, with the face that I'm used to seeing.

"What was that?!"

"Cleanliness is next to Godliness! The fuck, Arthur, I'm leaving!"

"That's not how I taught you! Leave a proper salutation when you leave!"

"Maybe next time!"

"Bloody git!"

"Bushy brows!"

Arthur's been teaching me social graces for some time now. It's not really the typical student and teacher tandem. He was just introduced to me by a friend who thinks I need to learn some manners, so there's nothing really professional between us. We are just main acquaintances, if I am to look at it socially. My told me Arthur can teach me manners and she's right. Arthur is a good teacher in terms of social graces, but it seems like I learned something else.

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**So, what do you think? -Ice**


End file.
